Sadness is more beautiful than happiness right?
More interesting More chaotic Happiness is boring right? Tears stain my cheeks Beautiful Head throbbing Laughter hurts too Pain is fun Breathing quickens Chaos I love it all Threaten my life Watch as I giggle Try me Death is interesting Sadness is everything Happiness is fleeting Kill me kill me Cry for me I’d love to see It’s beautiful So are you Cry with me Die with me By Apollo’s name I refuse thy burning passion
and so rid me of thine air of pestilence I crave no warmth from thine bosom and seek refuge in mine chamber alone I do not mourn this loss for I had yet to desire it and with these lines I say farewell to a love I had not loved I feel that loneliness again.
It creeps up behind me, and then I’m smothered. I suffocate in the fog, and no amount of coughing will get it out. Wandering usually helps. Alone but not. The city is massive, the people crowd the corners and walkways, and I drag my feet beside them. Alone but not alone. Walking. Thinking. It burns deeper. The pain. The hunger. The sadness that overwhelms my every sense. I see no happiness, nor hear it. I taste no freedom, nor touch it. I smell no hope, nor want to know what it would smell like. Alone. Damned. Will no one release me from this ache? Not even a trip to a favorite place can fix me. It usually helps; it does no good today. I’m broken. Material solves nothing. I am beyond repair. Alone. Desire is desire is desire is pain
Driving me insane "I wanna be bored, with you" Boredom will compell us Bring thoughts anew Pure creation Something greater than I or You Evidence of a healthy mind Thoughts of nothing New ideas Sweet ignorance Blissful silence The sounds of thoughts rattling your brain You're not insane She struggled
She fought She still fights Everything reminds her of him Every street they walked on Every place they sat to talk Every place they argued Even her own reflection How could that be? She looked at herself and saw the girl who loved him She didn’t want to love him anymore She was broken Trying to pick up the pieces to this day And yet he was always in her mind There was no freedom No salvation He was always invading her thoughts Her tears were done, but her stomach in knots What could she do? She had to rid herself of him But even ignoring his existence did nothing Five months went by And everyday she thought of him Some days it was murder fantasies Some days it was memories Good, Bad It was all the same It was too much She didn’t know what to do He wasn’t good for her Not really She knew He was crazy She was crazy It was a recipe for disaster But she craved him still His touch The way he smelled during the winter His embrace His stupid laugh that annoyed her so His stupid leather jacket that was falling apart She knew he would still own it to this day How could he have claimed their love to be untrue “Come on, It wasn’t really love,” he said smugly Her heart shattered How could he say that? Her tears that day were more than all those shed throughout their time She would never forgive That phrase haunted her still Angered her At some point she supposed it to be true But how could it be when she still could not forget him She hated him She wanted him She murdered him over and over in her mind She loved him over and over in her memories All her other conquests could not compare Meaningless encounters are beginning to take their toll She doesn’t want that She wants to be loved Hugged Miserable Happy Loved Dear self,
Stop being such a dick and maybe things will get better. Dear self, Seriously, stop being a dick. Dear self, What’s going on with you lately? I’m not sure I like who you are becoming. Work on that. Dear self, What did I tell you about being such a dick? It’s like you’re not even listening to me anymore. Dear self, I miss you, where are you, I’ve lost you. Please, come back to me. Dear self, I fucking hate you, kill yourself. Dear self, I didn’t mean what I said last time, please forgive me? Dear self, You haven’t been answering my letters. I hope you’re alright, please let me know that you’re alright… I stay up thing about you, worrying. I miss you. Please write back soon. Dear self, You can’t ignore me forever. Stop being such a dick! Dear self, I’m not sure how long I can do this for. I love you, but I hate you. You can’t just ignore me. Dear self, Missing you. Dear self, I don’t think I can do this without you. Dear self, Please… answer me. Dear self, I’m so lonely without you. Dear self, How long do I have to wait? Dear self, Please… Dear self, … Dear self, I wish you could see this view. Dear self, I need you. Dear self, I hope the cool air chills my nerve endings. I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s too hard without you. Dear self, I’ve made a choice that I’m not sure you’d approve of. Dear self, If you want to stop me, meet me near the cliff face, cut through the sunflower field to get here faster. Dear self, It doesn’t look like you’re coming. I’m not sure I can keep waiting. Dear self, I love you. Dear self, I hate you. Dear self, Forgive me. Dear self, Don’t forget me. Please. Dear self, Goodbye. |
Poetry from the past and presentPoetry is not my forte, but they say creativity is about being vulnerable. So, here lies all that I am, and all that I ever was. Archives
February 2020
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