Why can’t I think of anything to write? What’s wrong with me? Why does my writing suck ass? Huh? What’s up with that? Why is this writer’s block bullshit getting me down? Why haven’t I been writing lately? HUH? What the fuck is going on? Also what is up with guys huh? They can talk sexy with you and then get bored with you and then disappear and then you just feel like a fucking idiot. Why do I always have to feel like a fucking idiot? Why can’t I just be a good fucking girl who doesn’t have to present herself as a sex object just for some fucking attention... How can I be different? I'm not sure what the fuck to do, like what the fuck am I supposed to do, who am I supposed to be? I should be myself right? Aren’t I doing that now? Maybe myself is just someone who likes being seen as a sex object and nothing more, maybe that’s all I’m meant to be, not some who is loved for random things that have nothing to do with sex. Can’t a guy like me for my wood sculptures? Or my lame paintings that I rarely do now because I’m just as uninspired with my art as I am with my writing? Why can’t a guy just want to hold my hand because my eyes are pretty, or some lame bullshit like that? It’s so frustrating. I‘m tired of trying to be more than I am. I’m just a mostly lazy, uninspired sort of artist type who puts out too fast and chases away anything good because I’m too scared of that stupid made up bullshit emotion called love. Love can’t be real because it ends and it breaks and real things should be infinite and not temporary or fucking dreadful. Fucking fuck I hate this world and I’m sick of trying to live in it and walk around with my shoulders slouched and my eyes down and fearing anything and everything and so much other bullshit. I really want to punch the fuck of someone right now. I can’t even begin to process these emotions, and also emotions are fucking bullshit. Where is that drug that makes you numb and unfeeling? I need it.
Dear self,
Stop being such a dick and maybe things will get better.
Dear self,
Seriously, stop being a dick.
Dear self,
What’s going on with you lately, I’m not sure I like who you are becoming. Work on that.
Dear self,
What did I tell you about being such a dick? It’s like you’re not even listening to me anymore.
Dear self,
I miss you, where are you, I’ve lost you. Please, come back to me.
Dear self,
I fucking hate you, kill yourself.
Dear self,
I didn’t mean what I said last time, please forgive me?
Dear self,
You haven’t been answering my letters. I hope you’re alright, please let me know that you’re alright… I stay up thing about you, worrying. I miss you. Please write back soon.
Dear self,
You can’t ignore me forever. Stop being such a dick!
Dear self,
I’m not sure how long I can do this for. I love you, but I hate you. You can’t just ignore me.
Dear self,
Missing you.
Dear self,
I don’t think I can do this without you.
Dear self,
Please… answer me.
Dear self,
I’m so lonely without you.
Dear self,
How long do I have to wait?
Dear self,
Please…
Dear self,
…
Dear self,
I wish you could see this view.
Dear self,
I need you.
Dear self,
I hope the cool air chills my nerve endings. I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s too hard without you.
Dear self,
I’ve made a choice that I’m not sure you’d approve of.
Dear self,
If you want to stop me, meet me near the cliff face, cut through the sunflower field to get here faster.
Dear self,
It doesn’t look like you’re coming. I’m not sure I can keep waiting.
Dear self,
I love you.
Dear self,
I hate you.
Dear self,
Forgive me.
Dear self,
Don’t forget me. Please.
Dear self,
Goodbye.
Dear self,
Stop being such a dick and maybe things will get better.
Dear self,
Seriously, stop being a dick.
Dear self,
What’s going on with you lately, I’m not sure I like who you are becoming. Work on that.
Dear self,
What did I tell you about being such a dick? It’s like you’re not even listening to me anymore.
Dear self,
I miss you, where are you, I’ve lost you. Please, come back to me.
Dear self,
I fucking hate you, kill yourself.
Dear self,
I didn’t mean what I said last time, please forgive me?
Dear self,
You haven’t been answering my letters. I hope you’re alright, please let me know that you’re alright… I stay up thing about you, worrying. I miss you. Please write back soon.
Dear self,
You can’t ignore me forever. Stop being such a dick!
Dear self,
I’m not sure how long I can do this for. I love you, but I hate you. You can’t just ignore me.
Dear self,
Missing you.
Dear self,
I don’t think I can do this without you.
Dear self,
Please… answer me.
Dear self,
I’m so lonely without you.
Dear self,
How long do I have to wait?
Dear self,
Please…
Dear self,
…
Dear self,
I wish you could see this view.
Dear self,
I need you.
Dear self,
I hope the cool air chills my nerve endings. I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s too hard without you.
Dear self,
I’ve made a choice that I’m not sure you’d approve of.
Dear self,
If you want to stop me, meet me near the cliff face, cut through the sunflower field to get here faster.
Dear self,
It doesn’t look like you’re coming. I’m not sure I can keep waiting.
Dear self,
I love you.
Dear self,
I hate you.
Dear self,
Forgive me.
Dear self,
Don’t forget me. Please.
Dear self,
Goodbye.