Anxiety

When I’m feeling anxious and can’t sleep, my mind wanders and I think of anything and everything. Memories from five minutes ago, memories from fifteen years ago. What the hell is going on in the world? Why can’t I stop thinking? Why does sleep seem to hate me? These are some of the questions that float around and taunt me. But other times I remember moments of peace, a word or phrase, a moment with a loved one. Today I thought about one of my aunts, remembering the features of her face that look so much like my fathers, her hair peppered with gray and white, her distinct voice telling me not to worry, “non ti preoccupare, amore.” I focus on moments like those when my anxiety is most overwhelming, and then I take a deep breath. When I exhale, I let the words wash over me, “don’t worry, my love.” 

(from the notes app on my phone 03.21.20)​