A Beautiful Mess amongst the Sunflowers
Meet me in the sunflower fields
I’ll be wearing all black
I’ll be waiting for you
Remember when I told you sunflowers were my favorite?
They’re my dad’s favorite too
I guess I just copied him
I miss those days
When we talked about everything
I miss your hands, and the smell of your skin
Do you still have your mother’s wedding band on that chain you always wore?
It was so simple, but it was your favorite and only accessory
You never took it
I miss your laugh
And your voice
You would always read to me and often times I would cry
I could never tell if it was because of the content or because your voice was so hauntingly beautiful
Or maybe it’s because I’d think too far into the future
To a time when you could no longer read to me
I would no longer hear your voice
I over think a lot
You’d always tell me to relax, but not in a pretentious sort of way
You’re the only one who understood
The only one who could make the panic attacks easier
And eventually lessen
Your embrace was safe
I was safe if only for a moment
I had you
You had me; although I’m not entirely sure what you got out of it
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I’d often whisper
And you’d tell me I wasn’t, but if I wouldn’t believe it then you’d say if I were I’d be “a beautiful mess”
I laugh everything I think of it now
“A beautiful mess,” how funny
You were perfect to me, and perfect for me
You were my anxiety medication without the pill popping
You were the voice I heard in my dreams, and often still are
You were always prepared to fix me up, heal me, and read to me when the thoughts were getting too loud and too frequent to escape
You’d kiss my knuckles after I’d punched a few hundred walls, and tell me to start punching you instead
I could never do it
Remember when I told you sunflowers were my favorite?
They’re bright, and welcoming, and peaceful like you
I know I asked you to meet me here in the sunflower field
And I know you’re not going to make it
But I thought maybe if I wanted it enough… you’d find a way
I just want to hear your voice one more time
Feel your lips against my aching hand
The thoughts gets harder to ignore without you
I’ve got real pills now, but they do nothing
You were the greatest distraction and stronger than any drug
My clothes look funny against the sunflowers
They’re so bright and I’m not, I’m obscure
If you were here you’d fit right in
I wish you could see it now
You promised me you’d cut me a bouquet from this field
You knew sunflowers were my favorite
You knew about my though, my fears, my mess, my heart
I don’t cry as often as I used to
It wouldn’t be the same
You won’t be there to dry my eyes with your shirt, even when I told you not to
All your shirts seemed to have eyeliner stains after a while, but you didn’t care
It gets harder each day
I always wait up thinking you’ll walk through the door, but it never happens
I broke my hand the other day when thinking about you
You were never the reason for my sadness, but now the once happy memories are the source of my outbursts
I don’t know if I can keep doing this without you
But for now I’ll wait here for you
I know you can’t come, but maybe if I want it enough…
I’ll lay amongst the sunflowers, hopeful, and calm
The flowers are like you, and being surrounded by them is like hearing your voice again
Like feeling your embrace
You were my sunflower, and I’ll never stop admiring you
I’ll be wearing all black
I’ll be waiting for you
Remember when I told you sunflowers were my favorite?
They’re my dad’s favorite too
I guess I just copied him
I miss those days
When we talked about everything
I miss your hands, and the smell of your skin
Do you still have your mother’s wedding band on that chain you always wore?
It was so simple, but it was your favorite and only accessory
You never took it
I miss your laugh
And your voice
You would always read to me and often times I would cry
I could never tell if it was because of the content or because your voice was so hauntingly beautiful
Or maybe it’s because I’d think too far into the future
To a time when you could no longer read to me
I would no longer hear your voice
I over think a lot
You’d always tell me to relax, but not in a pretentious sort of way
You’re the only one who understood
The only one who could make the panic attacks easier
And eventually lessen
Your embrace was safe
I was safe if only for a moment
I had you
You had me; although I’m not entirely sure what you got out of it
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I’d often whisper
And you’d tell me I wasn’t, but if I wouldn’t believe it then you’d say if I were I’d be “a beautiful mess”
I laugh everything I think of it now
“A beautiful mess,” how funny
You were perfect to me, and perfect for me
You were my anxiety medication without the pill popping
You were the voice I heard in my dreams, and often still are
You were always prepared to fix me up, heal me, and read to me when the thoughts were getting too loud and too frequent to escape
You’d kiss my knuckles after I’d punched a few hundred walls, and tell me to start punching you instead
I could never do it
Remember when I told you sunflowers were my favorite?
They’re bright, and welcoming, and peaceful like you
I know I asked you to meet me here in the sunflower field
And I know you’re not going to make it
But I thought maybe if I wanted it enough… you’d find a way
I just want to hear your voice one more time
Feel your lips against my aching hand
The thoughts gets harder to ignore without you
I’ve got real pills now, but they do nothing
You were the greatest distraction and stronger than any drug
My clothes look funny against the sunflowers
They’re so bright and I’m not, I’m obscure
If you were here you’d fit right in
I wish you could see it now
You promised me you’d cut me a bouquet from this field
You knew sunflowers were my favorite
You knew about my though, my fears, my mess, my heart
I don’t cry as often as I used to
It wouldn’t be the same
You won’t be there to dry my eyes with your shirt, even when I told you not to
All your shirts seemed to have eyeliner stains after a while, but you didn’t care
It gets harder each day
I always wait up thinking you’ll walk through the door, but it never happens
I broke my hand the other day when thinking about you
You were never the reason for my sadness, but now the once happy memories are the source of my outbursts
I don’t know if I can keep doing this without you
But for now I’ll wait here for you
I know you can’t come, but maybe if I want it enough…
I’ll lay amongst the sunflowers, hopeful, and calm
The flowers are like you, and being surrounded by them is like hearing your voice again
Like feeling your embrace
You were my sunflower, and I’ll never stop admiring you
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