I might be 5’4 (and ½) but sometimes I walk around feeling like a goddamn warrior.
I stand tall and clench my fists and feel as though I could punch a hole in the ground.
In my mind, I’m a fighter, a rebel, something akin to an Amazon or a Valkyrie.
I look small and weak, but inside I know who I am, who I want to be, who I will become.
When I stretch and hear bones popping I feel as though I’m transforming. There is a rage inside this small frame that’s screaming for an outlet.
I desire the strength of a wild beast.
I want to gnaw and claw my way through the world, gaining the respect of all who challenge me and fail to destroy me.
One day I will gain the power that I desire, for I have already seen it, and I will make it mine.

​I wish I were as inspiring as a Muse
As talented on my feet as Terpsichore
As ethereal and charismatic as Calliope
As convincing an actress as Melpomene or Thalia
I wish I were as memorable as a Muse
Fiction made whole
My life recorded by Clio on an eternal scroll
I wish my voice could tempt and sooth
A voice as wonderful as Polyhymnia’s
I wish I were good at everything and nothing
Talented and poised and happy
A lover and a dreamer like Erato
A musician like Euterpe
A stargazer like Urania
Unafraid of the dark expanse between the stars
And curious until the very end

​Air flows through the open window
Blowing incense smoke this way and that
I stare at the great gray of the sky
Listening to the birds sing
Watching life drift by

You complained that I wouldn't let you have what was yours
​But my body is not yours
I've said that I'm yours, but that doesn't mean you own me
Or my body or my soul
I can love you and still belong to no one
Don't you see?
In a moment of melancholy I let you take me
The way you wanted
Your favorite position, angle, what have you
I tell myself it's fine
Let you have your fun
And then a flash of pain
A triggered memory
I start to cry but I don't let you see
I let you finish because I feel bad
I leave the room and cry
The bathroom my safe little box
You don't know that you've hurt me
Or rather caused me to remember someone who did
I don't blame you
You didn't know
And I didn't realize what I'd locked away
You cry when I can finally breathe again
You hold me when I tell you
You cry
You apologize
I comfort you
A silly reversal of roles

​Without realizing it, in a span of four months, I've written to you twice.
The first was about rain, and the second was about snow.
From September to December, I wrote of wanting to watch different types of weather phenomena with you.
I find it strange to want something so mundane.
A few drops of rain, a flurry of snowflakes, and the desire to share them with you is unequivocally strong.
Some days I'm not even sure what we're doing, why I'm with you, but then I think of the rain, I think of the snow, and then I understand.
Water in any form is still water.
​Even as the seasons change, or my feelings waver, there will always be a cloud.