Chivalry and Chaos
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When you have to research ways to relax... then you know you have a problem.

7/22/2016

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Okay, okay, I know. I'm uptight. I get it. 

I just want to clarify something. Being lazy does not mean you are relaxed.  Nonna can call me "Pigra" (lazy) all day long, but it doesn't mean that  I'm a chill person. The fact that I even have to analyze whether or not I am a relaxed person  makes the answer very obvious: I'm a rageaholic  while at the same time being the laziest person I know. The laziness covers up some of the anger... but covering does nothing, and it certainly doesn't help me deal with stress. 

I also want to clarify that procrastination is a form of stress. I literally have to stress myself out to the point of panic to get anything (school related) done, but hey it works.  I'm even on the Dean's List, so I must be doing something right.

I'm a rage-filled short person, which means there isn't much time left before my head explodes from my constant over-thinking and over-analyzing. I stress out over everything. The horrors of our world, the hate, the suffering, the ignorance. I hate hate so much that it's eating me up.

I know that's just ridiculous, and that I, as an individual,  shouldn't stress out about things that can't be changed, but I can't accept that.  It's, excuse my language, fucking bullshit. 

In through the nose, Out through the mouth...         *5 minutes later*

Okay, I'm calm... 

Everyone is right of course, I need to relax. Three different friends have told me this today alone, so obviously my  lack of  "chill" is showing. I've been recommended breathing,  meditation, herbal remedies,  saying "f*ck everything," and only caring about myself,  and  just taking everything in steps...

All good ideas. I'm thinking more along the lines of being tranquilized and hastily  shipped off to Alaska... where I can learn to live off the land, and just be alone, away from all the BS in the world. I'd like my  own cabin, and 2.5 Huskies to keep me company. I'd write novels and sell fresh fish (after I learn how to fish of course, and get over how boring it is), and live happily, peacefully, alone. I'd have visitors, but they'd have to leave all of their BS at the door, and we'd only discuss novels and the proper way to skin a moose.

In through the nose, Out through the mouth...

Well, I feel a bit better.

***
So did you hear about what's going on in Munich right now? The world is going to shit, and I can't CHILL.


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    Cristina R.

    Artist, Writer, Reader, Gamer, Plant Enthusiast.

    "She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together."  -Salinger

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