Just wanted to update~
It's been three weeks since Undergrad graduation. I feel lost. I feel useless. I've been lazy. I can say I've tried to get it together, but trying is having the intention to fail. I suppose I have to commit to something. Currently, tapped to my wall, there is a piece of paper on which I have written: "Trying is having the intention to fail, say you will do something, and you will." I'm not sure where I heard it, but looking at it everyday is helping me understand that trying isn't enough. I have to actively work for what I want. I suppose my main issue is not knowing what it is that I want. I know I want a job, but doing what? I hope to figure that out soon. Attack on Titan Season 2, Episode 1! It was intense! Not a fan of the animal cruelty, but the new beast titan was amazing. Overall, good first episode. Can't wait for more, and I don't mind watching it with English Subs either because English dubbed animes usually suck anyway.
Hey guys! Just want to share with you something that i'm very excited about! The second book of Amy Tintera's Ruined series is going to be out in May! I'm so excited to read the next book, Avenged! It's the only thing i'm looking forward to reading right now, and besides this series I haven't really been reading for pleasure as much as I used to. I read the first book, Ruined, last May right before I left for Italy, and I loved it so much that I finished it in about two days. I recommend it to anyone who likes a little bit of fantasy and YA fiction. I'll leave links to the books and the author down below!
I feel that every few months a person changes. Their likes and dislikes shift, they learn more about the world, they become more filled with rage, etc., and I believe that one's outlet should reflect that change. So I am going to be updating my website in the coming days because I have changed once again. I have shed my summer coat so to speak, and I must prepare for the long winter, for the version of me that will settle in, a type of hibernation if you will.
I just finished my sixth week of school. It's been a little over a month since I've been back from Italy and I've been feeling rather off lately. To be quite honest, it feels like a post-summer/almost middle of the semester depression. I haven't wanted to do much, exercise, homework, let alone leave the house, but it's a good thing that I've realized it sooner rather than later. I'm not at a point of no return, or at a point where I'm just deeply depressed. I've been keeping up with chores, cleaning my room, laundry, etc, and that's a good sign. Usually when it's a deep depression I just give up cleaning for months and rot. I never want to get to that point again, and so, since I've realized how I'm feeling, I'm going to be proactive in ending this new cycle of sadness in it's early stages. I feel it's linked to missing Italy and my family there, as well as being sick of school, and a few other things too. I'm going to try to get out of this funk anyway I can.
First, I have to go on more walks; being out in nature is very peaceful and relaxing. I need to breathe fresh air... well I have my doubts about the city air... but either way, I need to get out more. Second, I need to start running again. I love running. It feels great and it's a small accomplishment with every mile I run. Third, I need to diet. I'm sure that certain fatty foods can cause bad vibes, and so I'm going to try eating little to no carbs once again. Fourth, I need to start meditating. I've never really done it, but my mind definitely needs to be shut down or calmed down every now and then. Lately I've been having some intense panic attacks, so I really need to find an outlet for that. It would be really beneficial for me, for my mental health and general stability. Fifth, getting a job. I've got that one down, just haven't started yet. There are many requirements that I need to get done for my new job, like getting my fingers prints done. I'm actually waiting to get them done as I'm writing this. It's taking forever. I would have had it done sooner, but I went to the wrong place first and lost an hour. Should have gone yesterday, by was too lazy to leave the house. Sigh. I'm just glad to have found a new job that doesn't require me to slice meats extremely thinly at the request of sometimes rude clientele. Sixth, writing. I need to start writing a lot more. I've lost my desire to write, which is terrible, as I'm an English Major with a concentration in Creative Writing. I need to write. I need to find some new inspiration. I'll work on it. This is all I could think of, but I'm sure there is more I could be doing to actively fight off depression. What do you do when you're feeling down? Depressed? Anxious? Comment and let me know what you do or what I could be doing to deal with this. Thanks guys. -Cris Sometimes we lose our way. We try and try to change and stay calm, but something or someone takes us to the edge and we "lose our shit." I think this is completely normal. No one can stay calm forever, but I believe that finding our way back to serenity is a sign of true strength and change. So have your moment. Feel no shame about punching that brick wall (ouch), or screaming into a fluffy pillow. Take your time, let the anger out, but then find your way back to calm contentment.
To me, calm contentment is just about feeling fine, not letting the world get to you even just for a short period of time, and staying calm. I've been feeling this way ever since I returned from Italy about two weeks ago, but the other day I lost it. I thought it was lost forever. I thought that if I lost my state of calm contentment that I could never get back to it, but I’ve realized that it’s not something that you can forget. You may lose it, but it can always be found. Once you've experienced it, you can't forget it, and therefore you can always find your way back. I'm probably not making much sense at this point, but I thought this was something important that I should share. TL;DR: It's okay to lose your shit sometimes, but just remember that there is always a way back to calm contentment. |
Cristina R.Artist, Writer, Reader, Gamer, Plant Enthusiast. "She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together." -Salinger Archives
June 2020
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